I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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