Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
