i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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