I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
