Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need a burrito and a hug.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
