We're like a lot better than the average bears
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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