Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
