i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
