thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
