He asked to "fluff my boner.."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
