He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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