i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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