Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
