it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
