Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Randomize
