I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
