i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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