; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
