I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
