Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
