you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
