careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
