Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
