That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
