cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
