How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
