Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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