you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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