alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
