I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
