I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
