I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
