we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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