come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
