I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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