I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
