There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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