Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
