They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
