worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
