you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
