i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
