Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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