He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
