I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
