i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
