I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
