And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
