Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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