I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
