..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
